Arrival.

Listening to the rhythmic sway of a baby swing just feet from where I am seated, I am blown away. Blown away by all that has happened in the last eight weeks, blown away by the glory of God, by how much has changed, by how my heart feels, by this unbelievable person I've been blessed with the honor of raising up to be the man he's intended to be. Blown away, completely. Here I am, nearly two months after giving birth to my second son. It feels like a blink, but also so very far away. Dexter William holds a place in my heart I didn't know existed; his presence here, on this earth, feels just very, very right. I look into his face and wonder how I managed all these years without him. We are smitten.

I find myself asking quite often 'How can these children be mine? How are they so beautiful, so sweet?'

I love having a baby again. I can't explain how much my heart swells when this sweet little boy just burrows himself as close to me as physically possible, how my voice calms him and sends his beautiful eyes scanning the room for my face. I love the sweet sound of coos and excited conversation floating out from our bedroom as Andrew pours his amazing love onto our baby. I love watching Oliver excitedly tell everyone and anyone about his new baby brother, about how much he loves him and can't wait to teach him things and be his best friend. The fresh smell of a new package of diapers, that sickeningly addicting sweet baby smell that a new baby's very top of their head offers up to nostalgic mothers, old and new, the feeling of a tiny hand wrapped tightly around your finger, that warm, soft breath on your neck in the midst of a good cuddle. Things I forgot in the space of time between when Oliver was a baby and now. I needed this. This baby refreshes my soul.

The moment I saw Oliver's face four and a half years ago, I knew I was called to be a mother, to be his mother. When Dexter was thrusted from the water and settled onto my chest--the moment his eyes met mine--I knew in my heart that God had called me to be the mother of these two boys--to raise them, to train them up. To teach them how to be men of God, to love them, to hold them, to build them up, to be the example of a Godly woman so that when life thrusts them into adulthood, they will be equipped. I want them to know how loved they are, how important they are, how to love, how to respect, how to honor, when to speak, when to be silent. I want them to know about Jesus, because seriously, people...after giving birth and being the vessel through which a singularly unique and beloved human life enters the world, there's not much else in this life that has made me feel more connected with our Creator. Our God is humongous. He is amazing...and He has blessed Andrew and I so abundantly with our two little arrows. My heart is swollen.

Perhaps I will share Dexter's birth story soon, about the impact it had on me emotionally and spiritually, but for now, I will leave you with this.

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart..."
Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)

Xoxo,
Amanda