Out with the old, in with the new.

It's New Years Eve and we are ringing in the new year the only way we know how: popcorn, ice cream, and kid movies with the littles.

My birthday is on Thursday, Oliver's on Sunday. I've been using every ounce of brain power to piece together the perfect vintage carnival/circus-themed party for him that I swear if I see another red and white striped party item, I might lose my mind. We aren't having his party until the 19th, thank goodness, but I've been Etsy shopping like mad, trying to peg down fun, yet do-able (for 4-5 year olds) carnival games, snacks, decorations, goodie bags, and a craft. I've recruited some help from family members which may or may not prove to make me go grey in the hair quicker than if I'd just done everything on my own. Time will tell.

As we wrap up yet another year, I can't help but feel stereotypically nostalgic. This year has been so unbelievably good to us. My biggest little grew up before my eyes, transforming from this squishy, chubby-knuckled half-toddler, half-child to a full-fledged boy. He's unruly, feisty, stubborn, creative, imaginative, hilarious, intelligent, inquisitive, and has a memory like a bear trap. He keeps us on our toes, ages our tired 24-year-old bodies, and makes us gut-laugh on a regular basis.

This year, he learned what it meant to be a big brother, to have to share everything and everyone around you with this new person. He showed me tolerance and forgiveness as I frantically treaded water, attempting to breathe as I began this journey as a "mother-of-two". He started soccer, learned loads, made new friends, came out of his shell a bit, became more independent, and grew into this foreign long, lanky human. He stretches out and becomes taller and leaner with every passing day, I'm sure of it. This time last year, he was still begging to be carried everywhere we went. He learned to walk, to run, to explore on his own. It's been bittersweet.

We had a baby. We had a baby. We brought another unique, free-thinking, free-feeling human into this world and I still can't believe I carried him around and birthed him. It seems like a distant dream, but it also feels like it was just yesterday. Dexter has taught us so much. I remember thinking that there was no way I could love both he and Oliver equally or enough, but my heart has stretched to hold both boys nestled neatly in the largest spaces of its beating interior. Dexter brings me so much joy. My heart settles and rests in his presence. I breastfeed Dexter like I always wanted to with Oliver, and the bond it has formed between my sweet baby and I is undeniable. It could move mountains. My body cradled him in the womb and gently guided him into the world. I trusted and listened to my body, the guttural undertones of labor sounding throughout the room. I prayed and felt God's hands upon me as I closed my eyes and let my body bring forth this beautiful human. My heart is full.

Having two kids is challenging sometimes, but also the most rewarding, uprooting, soul-stretching experience I've ever had. I carried and brought forth two beautiful, remarkable humans. Men that will shape the world and will be used to create and refine some of the most beautiful things this world will ever hold, I'm sure of it. God has big plans for the two of them and I feel so blessed to be even a small fraction of the story that is unfolding.

This is their story, their legacy, and I will play a gentle concerto in the background if that's what they need, or I will carry them on my backs like Atlas if that is what they need in that moment. I will be their greatest ally and strongest advocate.

And although it saddens me that Oliver is so old now, that he doesn't need me as much as he used to, my heart soars at the thought of standing next to him, behind him, or in front of him as he walks through life shifting from childhood to manhood.

This next year brings so much hope. I can't believe how far we've come, what this year has done for us, and all that is in store for us. 2013 transformed our family of three into this beautiful and balanced family of four. I feel so content, so very "in-the-moment". I am in want of nothing. God has provided for us all year long and blesses our family in so many amazing, astounding, and glorious ways. I feel his presence in our life and in our home and I can't wait to see what lies ahead  on this winding path.

So, that's my mushy end-of-the-year post, and like all good New Year's posts, I have to end it with a few goals for the coming year:

1. I will pray and thank the Lord every day. I will pray earnestly and sincerely and frequently. I will give Him all the glory, because my life wouldn't be even half as beautiful if it wasn't for His hands working within it.
2. I will speak with gentleness and love toward my husband and sons.
3. I will hold onto my patience and when I feel that I'm about to lose it, I will call on the name of Jesus to fill me back up. I will not lose it on my kids, even when I'm tired or having a rotten day.

I have a few more of the "New year, new me" goals like healthy life choices, money management, organization, etc., but my top three are the ones worth mentioning.

Also, I am starting a new things this year: I'm going to be posting more often, I swear, but I will at the very least be posting a photo of each child, each week, for 52 weeks. I've seen other really talented mamas doing this and never felt good about starting so late in the year, so with that said, I'm making it a point to vow that "I will post once a week for the next year, even if it's just the two pictures accompanied by little to no text."

You read it here first, so here's to me keeping my word.

Happy New Years, folks! I hope you're spending the evening with the people you love, doing something you love. May 2014 bring you hope, joy, peace, and love.

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Dexter's 7 month photo shoot and Oliver's homeschool preschool Christmas party. Playing a "Simon Says" type game.