Mother's Day.

I am crippled by expectations. By the expectations of everyone around me and also by my own. I become so enraged by the blatant disregard for my personal well-being when, say, a family member demands things of me, expecting no struggle in return.

And then holidays arrive and here I am, enforcing the same expectant attitude onto my husband and children. The influx of seemingly perfect lives/holidays of those on social media awaken this immense drive to snap THE perfect photo. I must have the most divine floral arrangement. My decorations must be, or at least look, handmade and trendy--not of that Walmart crap. My kids must be dressed like small princes and I must appear to have it all together.

"Ugh, just sit still for ONE more second! Is it so much to ask to get ONE good photo?!"

I shout at Oliver as I try to arrange our family in a perfect little bunch. Surely if this photo is perfect, then, too, will be our holiday.

I have a record with ruining holidays by being demanding and too focused on the "perfect" day. So, here I am on Mother's Day after feeling hurt by my five-year-old not wanting to shower me with immense love and attention the whole day through, feeling frustrated with my hair as it dries in the "wrong" way resulting in a "bad hair day". "Why on Mother's Day?!" my insides scream as the baby whines, for, quite literally, the entire day through.

Let's do some photos.

And I frantically try to bribe the boys with food and and treats. "Please...just one more and we will be done!". And 200 photos later I throw in the towel with a princess-like attitude and mutter something about how things never go how they should. And then it hits me.

I work so hard to force the perfect holiday, to make it seem perfect instead of feeling it, acknowledging it, and letting it unfold naturally. So, after driving the boys and my husband mad all afternoon, I'm deciding now to stop pushing. Mother's Day doesn't have to look like it does in the movies, on Instagram, or in my head. Mother's Day can be a runny-nosed baby wanting to nurse every four seconds, getting snot all over my white dress and hair. It can look like my eldest wanting what every five-year-old wants...to play and not fawn over his mum. It can look like shoddy, imperfect fruit tarts made by the loving hands of your husband. It can look like not-perfectly-arranged flowers from the grocery store and not from a local farmer's market, adorned with ranunculus and succulents and whatever other "trendy" flowers appear all over Instagram. It can look like a lazy, rainy Sunday spent at home watching Dr. Who in my pajamas instead of trying to squeeze myself into my cute, white sun dress, my hair laid perfectly.

So, here's to holidays being more about experiencing, and less about putting on a really, really good show. I'm vowing to quit with the expectations because...pushing and shoving to get your way really just causes a great, huge mess.

Now, if you'll excuse me, my yoga pants and a bowl of non-trendy Lucky Charms are calling my name.

Happy Mother's Day, lovelies. xx