Sleepy Sling Walks.

I've waited all winter for this. For the opportunity to take sling walks when Dexter is fighting sleep. Our usual routine is to lay in bed and nurse until he falls into a deep enough asleep that I can do a ninja switch from myself to a pacifier without him realizing it. Then, I slip out from the covers and sneak from the bedroom, hushed. Most days, this is my calm. The few hours throughout the day spent laying side by side as he nurses to sleep, staring up at my face, gently tracing my lips and chin with his tiny fingers are my idea of bliss. But when life is busier, when our days are shorter, and we have much to do, a walk about with the sling does wonders for my soul as he gently drifts off after wide eyes scanned our surroundings excitedly only moments before.

The weather is dreary here, which is to be expected of Spring, I suppose. Our five day forecast shows cool, almost cold temps accompanied by rain and thunderstorms. I used to welcome the rain with open arms until Oliver reached a certain age. An age where the inability to go out and play can drastically change his demeanor. We need the sunshine, the fresh, warm air. He needs to run...so that I can rest. Just a bit.

So, while the rain was at bay and the temperature was still fair, a walk was just what the doctor ordered today.

I'm past-due on my week 16 post, so I suppose I should cut this short and start working on that. Funny how we sometimes start out at a sprint and start to slow down to a jog, then trot, then a slow-paced walk with things we set out to accomplish. I thought I'd be punctual with my 52 week posts, and even did the first few weeks earlier than needed. Let's hope I can put a little steam in this engine and get moving more steadily soon.

Cheers.

Green House.

Today, we ventured to the green house nearby that we've been dying to explore. Our surroundings are still very brown and dry in the Midwest, so being surrounded by greenery was so refreshing. I inhaled the scent of fresh, colorful flowers, and ran my fingers across the thick, yet still delicate leaves. For the first time this year, it felt like Spring and my heart was soaring. Isn't it funny how certain smells can teleport you to a time you didn't even know you remembered? How a scent can bring a fleeting, foggy, dream-like thought of a place, a person, a time in your life?

Sometimes it slaps you in the face and its obvious and moving, like the first time I smelled pipe tobacco after my uncle passed away. His face, his laugh, the feel of his whiskers rubbing roughly against my soft cheek when he gave me a 'hello' or 'goodbye' hug. There was no doubt, no fuzz. But other times, a scent can bring you to this place and you can't quite put your finger on who or where it brings you back to. Like something from a dream, it haunts you, but lifts your spirits at once. I'll never forget the scent of the grass outside my childhood home, how it was littered with clover and lined with hollyhocks. Days spent laying on my stomach, soaking in the gentle, spring-time sun...my little brother running nearby.

Experiencing the trueness and fullness of seasons is one of the greatest things I've encountered in motherhood. The richness of each new season always amazed me as I grew. The scents, the sounds, the colors, the feelings they awakened. The colors and crispness of a Fall day, enjoying a pumpkin treat with a scarf wrapped about my neck as I wandered along paths of amber and crimson. Winter and its cold, crystallized beauty--Christmas, snowmen, bundling up under a big blanket. Summer and the hot, sticky summer nights spent around a bonfire, sipping a cold drink--s'mores, swimming, sun-kissed skin. And Spring. The breath of fresh air after hibernation, the slow fade from brown to green, the sprouting greens, new life.

We've planted some sort of plant every year since Oliver was born, despite living in apartments. Watching his face light up as seeds became sprouts, and sprouts became full-fledged plants...bearing crisp vegetables brings me immeasurable joy and pride. I hope to always be able to show our boys that you reap what you sow, that a little tenderness, hard work, and attention can bring forth a great harvest. That new beginnings are always around the corner. That, despite cold, cold stretches of staleness, there is always a brand new season awaiting us, waiting for us to bloom and start anew.

And I am just so unbelievably excited to share in these lessons, these seasons, these memories. To hold their little hands as they experience this richness of life, to grow more in love with this world and all that it offers, to see God in the details, in the branches, in the vines. I hope that each new day, each new season brings a breath of fresh air to them always, like it does for us.

Here's to a brand new season, a season of warmth, of love, and of adventure. To making memories that will surely stick. Even if sometimes lingering only in their subconscious.

Cheers.

15/52 & Twin Cities Trip

Last weekend we took a much-needed break from reality and headed to Minnesota to spend a long weekend in the Twin Cities. We've needed the breath of fresh air--some time with no deadlines, no expectations, no stressors...just us and three days with nothing but relaxation and a completely void agenda. We had no plans, no timeline, nothing. Just a handful of places we wanted to visit. Those trips are the best trips. We took the kids to the Mall of America despite our distaste for busy, crowd-filled shopping meccas, but it was so nice. We let Oliver ride on some rides in Nickelodeon Universe and spent a good chunk of time wandering around in the underwater Sea Life exhibit. Their faces were priceless as we travelled through the tunnels beneath the water, gazing upon the beautiful sea creatures.

We did our normal thing...coffee shop-hopped and hit up our favorite small restaurants and explored the city streets. We found the cutest donut shop I have ever seen in my life. We may have gone twice. And bought a half dozen donuts each time.

We treated ourselves to an over-the-top brunch at Parka, one of our favorite restaurants, and had ice cream, donuts, and twice as much coffee as usual.

Mom bought lipstick, Dad bought coffee, the little bought Legos. It was a wonderful "treat-yo-self" kind of weekend. It was so good for our soul and I can't wait until we can go on another family adventure. They're my absolute favorite. My heart can go through another long stretch of the occasional stressed-out husband, expectations, irritating family get-togethers, deadlines, and commitments.

And, let's just consider these photos as my week 15 installment of our 52 week project.

Cheers to family trips!

14/52

This week was up and down and all over the place. Oliver had his first soccer practice and the weather has been all over the map. We've had warmer days spent playing and getting dirty outside and colder, lazy days spent napping inside. This has been the first week that Spring temperatures have showed their face, but they've just been fluttering by, teasing us with sun-kissed mornings followed by cold (even snowy) evenings. The snow comes and then melts as quickly as it arrives, and we are left thirsting for warmer days spent under the sun.

But Spring is coming, regardless of these fleeting cold days. Soon enough we will be panting under the summer sky, sweat dripping from our brow.

But we are so very ready for it.

13/52

Playing catch-up! I've been slacking on posting, but have been taking photos of the boys. Finding the time to sit down and post these has been truly difficult. Here is week 13...

12/52

Look at me with my bad self. Not falling too incredibly far behind!

I don't have anything witty to write about, no new developments. I've had a few moments in the last week that have danced across my heart strings and made me realize how blessed I truly am.

My husband.

My husband is the kindest, most sincere, most beautiful soul I've ever come across in my 24 years and I couldn't be luckier to be raising two wild things with such a bleeding heart family-man. He works so hard for me to stay home and sometimes I take advantage of it.

He stays up late watching our favorite shows and chatting with me because he knows that I crave and need the attention and conversation. I need someone to eat junk food and drink beer with long after the kids have fallen asleep, and he does it...half-asleep some nights after getting up at 4:30am to put in his time as a working stiff.

He comes home and changes soiled diapers, fixes broken Lego fortresses, makes dinner, and gives us his all despite his exhaustion.

He is the greatest person I know...and I love him more than words in this window could ever convey.

He's given me two perfect, beautiful little boys and he holds the weight of our family and our financial and emotional needs on his shoulders. He is the man I hope my sons will grow up to mirror.

And after all the years pass and his laugh lines turn to wrinkles, his sandy hair slowly grays and disappears, and we've reached the end of our journey, after walking, running, and sometimes dragging ourselves through it all, I know that he will always be my greatest decision, my very best friend, my heart, my whole, entire heart. And our sons will be so lucky to have such a loving, selfless, strong father to lead them and love them.

And I will be the luckiest wife. And he will love every wrinkle, every curve, every scar on my worn, aged body. We're in this together. God has blessed me with this man. More than I will ever, ever deserve.

P.S. I have a post coming (probably tomorrow if I am feeling especially ambitious) about Dexter turning 10 months. The strangest and most exciting feeling ever.

Cheers to another week xx

11/52

So, I like to pair my weekly 52 project posts with thoughts on life and motherhood, and since I failed miserably with posting my last post in a timely matter, I'm gonna try to include some 'meat' this week.

Something I've learned in my 24 short years of living is how to make decisions for myself, to not let people and their expectations of me define in which direction I place my next foot as I walk timidly, following the herd. I can break free, sprinting away from the expectations, proclaiming self-worth! I've spent my whole life pleasing people, or at least trying to. Failing miserably almost the entire way. I always wanted to be skinny enough, pretty enough, clever enough, funny enough, etc. etc. I bowed my head and kissed the feet of my friends despite how frequently they spat in my face regardless of how much effort I put forth. I tried to like things my friends liked, say the things my friends said. I've spent so many years exhausted, trying so desperately to keep the peace, to be likable, to make everyone happy.

I'm so beyond done with that.

Today, I realize the importance of my internal peace. I realize the importance of standing up for myself and my passions, for standing up for the things I love and the things that bring me joy, despite ruffling some feathers. I'm a feather-ruffler these days and I've never felt more peace because of it. I realize the internal turmoil, the discord caused in marriages, relationships, and self when we let others dictate our every move.

I'm here to tell you, if you are struggling with this, that you are allowed to say "No".

I can't tell you how many times I've said "Yes" when my heart was screaming "No!", how many times I smiled and nodded when everything inside of me wanted to pounce up on the nearest table and beat my chest, proclaiming the wrongness of what was being said or bellowing "My opinions and feelings matter too!". So often people just hunker down, put their head low, and agree. There is a storm inside of them, begging for an escape.

I reached a point in my life not long ago when my storm erupted. A lot of people witnessed the aftermath of that storm, the wreckage. For once, I put my feelings over the feelings of everyone around me, and although I ruffled some feathers (or savagely ripped them away from the flesh), I found this amazing satisfaction, this voice I never knew I even had.

At the end of the day, I will do what benefits myself and my family even if it means disappointing and sometimes, yes, hurting other people that expect too much from me or from my family. I will say "No" if my heart needs it, if my body needs the rest, if my brain needs the break. I will burst through the barriers and let my voice be heard if the well-being of my heart and the well-being of my family is at stake. Even if I just want to do things a little differently than what is being asked of me, the truth is...I am more than able to forge my own way, make my own path, and say "No". My time with my littles and with my husband are fleeting and paramount. My time is important. Never again will I just put my head down and obey. I only get one chance to enjoy these short years with these people I love and I'm not going to live it out in inner-turmoil and pain. Here's to standing up for ourselves, our families, and the importance of our time, spent on self-betterment and the betterment of our family's peace and joy. Here's to loving ourselves, doing what we love, being good humans, but not spineless ones. Here's to happiness!

Ruffle some feathers if you have to.

(Also, it snowed today. Like, a lot. Hello, Spring?)

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